Finding your Velvet-Covered Bricks

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." - James 1:5


After my husband moved out, it would be a gross understatement to say that I was overwhelmed and traumatized. I could not see which end was up. There seemed to be dozens of decisions to make, and I was unable to see clearly to make them. I even had trouble discerning which decisions needed to be made quickly, and which could be set aside for the time being.

So I started talking to people. Lots of people. Most of whom loved Jesus and loved me. But I noticed that if I asked 10 people their opinion, I would get 10 different answers, which only left me more confused, if that were possible.

So I decided to choose 3 people that would be my "go to" people when I needed to make a decision, such as how to handle a legal process or an inflammatory email from my estranged spouse. I dubbed these people my Velvet-Covered Bricks, because they treated me with gentleness and compassion, but they also told me the truth directly when I needed to hear it.

To identify my Velvet-Covered Bricks, I used a process of elimination. Anyone who routinely told me to "just keep praying and have faith, and God will restore your marriage" got the ax. This seemed to imply that if my husband decided to continue on a destructive path then it was my fault, owing to lack of faith. Anyone who regularly offered unsolicited advice got the ax, too. I felt controlled by them. People who were emotionally tied into my situation, such as my parents and my best friend, were not good candidates, either. They would gladly take a bullet for me, but because my pain is their pain, they tend to take my side, which is wonderful for comfort and support but detrimental for decision making.

My three Velvet-Covered Bricks were (and still are) a professional therapist who loves Jesus, an old friend who pastors a church in a different city, and an older woman who has walked a similar path and who has a peace that I wanted. It was amazing how similar their advice often was, even though they do not know one another.

TOOL: Begin identifying your Velvet-Covered Bricks. God will use them to give wisdom.